08:00 – I am awake. My alarm will not snooze any more and I have 15 minutes to shower, get dressed, eat something healthy, do some squats, mentally prepare for the day ahead and then meet my friend to walk into uni.
08:11 – My shower is Katy Perry. Hot and then cold. It is not pleasant.
08:12 – My flatmate fills the kettle to make tea, scorching me to within an inch of my life in the room next door and forcing me out the shower.
08:12 – Shit I’m going to be so late.
08:16 – I am one minute late but I am dressed. I have not eaten yet, I have a large tea bouncing in my hand and my hair is still wet with last nights make up dripping down my face. Am I hungover? I recall the three beers I had last night and consider that I’m maybe just tired.
08:18 – My friend slept in so I head off. I am grumpy and slightly damp. I remember I haven’t put deodorant on. The last time I put it on may have been days ago.
08:25 – I also didn’t do my squats. I walk a little faster to maybe make up for it but I know it won’t make a difference. I dream of cheese twists and Twix’s.
08:45 – I arrive at the library and find a computer with the optimum position. I’m right at the wall. There is no one around. I beam triumphantly and then I remember that it’s Saturday and of course no one is in. I consider doing squats in the toilet whist I put on deodorant.
09:00 – The cafe opens. I have budgeted £2 for tea today. Fortunately this isn’t my first all day library session as a marketing post grad, so I know how to stretch this money. The last time I was home my mother gave be portable shot glasses. I repurposed them into tea carriers.
Oh, you think I’m joking? By taking tea bags and milk like this I can get 8 cups of tea out of my £2. That’s right. Eight times more tea than if I hadn’t bothered. I am pleased with myself. I am so thrifty. I hate Starbucks.
10:30 – I turn off my phone in an attempt to focus on my dissertation proposal. I’m not one for facebook but I find myself on the weird part of youtube, not concentrating.
11:00 – I check instagram for the 400th time in the past 2 hours and find that I have a new follower. I stalk them, tastefully liking at least two of their recent photos before deciding that it’s ok if they follow me but I probably won’t return the favour. I feel smug. And powerful. I’m winning at a game that no one else is playing.
12:30 – I realise that I have been staring out of the window for over seven minutes. I think of the game seven minutes in heaven and remember 13 going on 30, the movie with Jennifer Garner. I think of Juno, which Jennifer Garner was also in. I remember that song by Barry Louise Porter, All I want is you. I think about I think of other songs that have the lyric If I were…
13:00 – I’m contemplating how sweet it is that all that Tevye would want is to have a seat by the Eastern wall, if he was a rich man. I’d want a lot more than that. Like a flat in Park Circus that has a mezzanine.
13:01 – I wonder who Yente would choose for me….
13:03 – I search for musicals on Spotify.
13:14 – I get paranoid that people are staring at me sometimes. I know that I’m wearing a men’s XXL shirt and leggings but there is a girl in here wearing jodhpurs and a flower crown. I am not the weirdest one here.
13:16 – I can’t get over how catchy Rocky Horror’s Time warp is! I can’t stop seat dancing.
13:16 – I realise why people are staring.
14:00 – My stomach growls loudly enough for the girl next time me to shift her eyes over to me without moving her head from it’s resting position on her hand. I have written 1600 words of my proposal. My eyes are sore.
14:05 – I settle down to lunch. It is a disappointing cold fish cake left over from last nights vigorous and spontaneous desire to cook something with substance. I choke down a spoonful of chia seeds in a feeble attempt to trick my body into thinking it’s full. For some reason I think they are good for me so I keep shovelling them in. They are tasteless, and lack substance. Much like my proposal…
15:30 – I finally remove the chia seeds from my teeth. My tongue hurts. I should visit the dentist next time I’m home.
16:00 – It’s hour seven. I see people just coming into the library and I scoff. Amateurs. The libary madness is setting in. They are at the beginning. I am the end.
16:01 – Isn’t that a bible passage? I am the first and the last, the first and the beginning, the alpha and the omega.
16:02 – It is. Corinthians 22:13.
16:02 – So is the love is patient love is kind thing… I thought that was from sex and the city.
16:04 – I feel guilty for not knowing that…. I feel the Catholic guilt.
16:05 – I remember the time I lied to my parents when I was three and a half and feel guilty.
16:10 – I am shame spiralling big time. I’m remembering every stupid thing I have ever done ever. I am so stupid.
16:11 – I thought that the Falkland Islands were where Orkney was.
16:12 – Like, how did I not know that. What have I been doing with my life. Why am I even here.
16:30 – I stare blankly at the screen, the mouse pulsating at the last place I stopped typing. How did I even get into this post grad. I am a fully fledged idiot. I thought that Carrie Bradshaw made up the most prolific love quotation of all time…
16:40 – I snap out of it. I have written 2000 words today. Good job that this thing isn’t due in for another 2 days because normally I’m way further behind. That’s the spirit.
17:00 – I’m an adult, I whisper, as I order 7 crackle candles from eBay.
17:30 – I wish there was eBay Prime, so I could get my crackley candles tomorrow. I simply cannot wait. I am a millennial. What is waiting…?
18:45 – I’m somehow 1/3rd of the way through Waiting for Godot.
18:46 – I’m Waiting for God-almighty is that the time? It’s nearly hour 9. NINE Hours in the libary.
19:00 – To quote Beckett “The tears of the world are a constant quantity. For each one who begins to weep somewhere else another stops. The same is true of the laugh.” For each one who begins to enter the library, somewhere else another leaves. I.e. SEE YA BITCHES, I’M OUT.
19:09 – I wish I’d pee’d before my long walk home. 8 large Starbucks teas really take a toll on you.
19:28 – God I’m so healthy. All this walking and good eating. I’m part of the elite.
19:30 – I arrive home and my flatmate is trying to order Dumpling Monkey but her boyfriend isn’t up for it…
19:31 – It’s actually rude to NOT help her out actually. I’m just being a supportive friend. I’m a saint, really.
20:20 – Dumpling overload. I am queen dumpling. DumpKing. Ok… maybe not.
20:31 – Time for Netflix and beer.
20:32 – Ha! You thought I was gonna say Netflix and Chill. The only thing that’s chilling here is my god damn PBR.
22:00 – Ok, this is a reasonable bed time. I’ll start to get ready for be- HOLY SHIT DID I SAVE MY PROPOSAL.
23:50 – Just a few tweaks added to it. It’s almost perfect now.
00:00 – Too late for a beer? Nah
00:04 – Wow did I really only write 2000 words today? I should get some rest and get up early to work on it tomorrow.
00:30 – Beer break
00:58 – Beer break
01:00 – Beer break
01:30 – There. 1000 extra words of pish make up for it. Tomorrow I can call it editing and it’ll seem like I’m doing someth-hick……………